The problem this solves
Influence runs the same way whether it's the salesperson, the manager, the politician, the family member, or the friend who keeps getting their way. Most adults underweight how often it's being applied to them and overweight their ability to spot it in the moment.
This micro-course teaches you to influence ethically — to make a clear, honest case for what you actually want — and to recognise the common manipulation patterns when they're aimed at you. The goal isn't paranoia. It's a clear-eyed read of the social moves that shape adult conversations, so you can use them in the open and refuse them when they're hidden.
A taste of the exercise
The preview lesson walks you through the six classic influence levers and an audit of one recent decision you made under pressure — which levers were active, and which slowed it down would have changed.
Key concepts
- Ethical influence
- Making a clear case for what you want, owning your interest, leaving the other person room to disagree without consequence.
- Cognitive bias hijacks
- Manipulation techniques exploiting reciprocity, scarcity, social proof, authority, commitment, liking. Cialdini-style. Knowing the levers makes them harder to use against you.
- DARVO
- Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. A recognisable manipulation pattern in interpersonal conflict. Naming it interrupts it.
- Gaslighting
- Denying or distorting another person's reality to make them doubt their own perception. Best defence: keep written records of events that get rewritten.
- Bright-line rules
- Decisions made in advance about what you will and won't do, regardless of in-the-moment pressure. Useful precisely because they bypass manipulation.
- Slowing down
- Most manipulation requires speed. “I need to think about that and come back to you” defuses the majority of high-pressure tactics.
Common mistakes
- Believing your intelligence protects you from manipulation. (It often makes you a better target.)
- Confusing influence with bullying.
- Trying to win an argument with a manipulator rather than leaving the conversation.
- Apologising for slowing down.
- Not keeping written records when someone is rewriting events.
- Treating ‘they didn't mean it’ as protective.