Listening audit

Score yourself on seven listening habits. Pick the lowest one. Practise it deliberately for a week. Most people improve faster than they expect.

When to use this

When a partner, colleague, or child has told you that you don't listen.
When you finish conversations realising you've talked more than you intended.
Before performance reviews where listening is part of the role (manager, coach, parent).

Audit one specific conversation, not your ‘general listening.’ The latter is too vague to fix.
Score honestly. The aim is data, not a tidy result.
Pick one habit to change this week — and only one.

Counting silence as listening. Silence while waiting for your turn isn't listening.
Asking questions designed to redirect rather than to understand.
Fixing listening only when you're already a good listener that day.

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Rate 1 (almost never) to 5 (consistently).

I don't rehearse my reply while they're still speaking.
The biggest single tell.
I leave silence after they finish before I start.
Two seconds. It changes the conversation.
I ask one follow-up question before responding.
Curiosity, not interrogation.
I notice when I'm bored and lean in instead of zoning out.
Bored often means I'm about to interrupt.
I summarise back what I heard, in their words.
“What I'm hearing is…” Then check.
I make eye contact without staring.
Phone face-down. Body open.
I notice my own emotional reactions and don't outsource them as ‘your fault.’
Owning your reaction defuses most defensiveness.

Lowest-scoring habit.

One conversation this week where I'll deliberately practise it.